son of vapor

god, god! damn you!

i loved you.

why did you have to die? why did you leave me? do you not know how your abandonment has crushed my soul?

i still pray to you, but now all i hear in return are the echoes of my wretched sobs.

you gave me confidence, and you gave me purpose. and now i have lost them both, my dear, dead god!

despite my attempts to hold you, you have fallen;

despite my attempts to save you, you have died.

your death is meaningless.

there is no higher purpose to it, for you, god, were the higher purpose.

your death is the death of all meaning.

do not mishear my tone, god: i do not revel in your death. my heart aches like hell, and the blood vessels under my eyes have broken from grief.

i am lost, oh dear god!

and now?

what now?

your friends reject me, your enemies mock me.

pain, i can handle.

but meaningless pain, that is a concept far too sad for me to grasp.

how can i go on living?

ben hevel, 02.24.25